your MOM is an epic fail.

i'm not sure when the use of the word "fail" became so trendy, or when 8 year olds started using the words "epic fail" but when you start hearing those words coming out of a person that is a third your size and age, the words begin to lose all meaning. anyway, this post has nothing to do with your mom, but i bet you either laughed or got angry for a second. you'll survive, trust me.

if you've decided to read on, i just wanted to re-emphasize this - "epic fail" means a failure of great magnitude; a lack of success that comes in extraordinary proportions. it is "epic" - legendary, notable. taking this meaning to heart, i have to say that our lives exemplify this. an "epic fail". take offense if you must, but this is what i mean. i mean to say that we are living breathing dying for what we have built up here. our day to day lives involve a lot of "me" work. our thoughts consist of family and money. our ideas .. well, we ran out a while ago. our belief in change has been shaken and our need for community desensitized. i know I haven't written in a while, well, since september on this blog. hope you followed my last one.

we are all human. i can't emphasize this enough .. we ALL SHARE THE SAME HUMANITY. we all feel pain, go through things, the SAME things a lot of times. We laugh, we cry - its universal, and proven! we have this NEED for community and yet we ignore it. why is that? potential around us, brothers and sisters surrounding.. but we fail to engage others while disengaging ourselves. we need each other. when we realize that and start acting on it, we'll change something big and create something new. something the world has rarely seen before, and epic success, if i may. but until then, we continue to live these lives that are

an epic fail. (again, hate this term. last time i use it - ever.)

Mirror, Mirror on the wall who's the LAZIEST of them all? Mirror: "YOU ARE!"

I was outside today sitting in my backyard and eventually fell asleep because well, I'm tired! but not the point. i was thinking as I was out there how lazy we really are. when i talk to people, i feel like there is so much stuff everybody wants to do - but nobody does it!! like what you ask? answer this question to yourself - what is one thing you want to do but don't? what is one thing you want to do but "don't have time for?" whatever the answer is - the cause is one thing. LAZINESS. you might be busy sure, but being busy does not mean not being lazy. did you catch that? read it over once more because its true. you CAN be busy AND lazy. you tell me you want to live for other people. you tell me you want to do good, volunteer, stop smoking, stop drinking, start reading more, write a book, sponsor a child. You tell me you are appalled by social injustice that you want to make a stand. You tell me you want to travel around the world and experience new things. Stop telling me you want to meet new people and start a new life. I'm talking about you. I'm talking about me. I'm trying to tell you that we have pushed some of these ideas to the back of our mind as we live OUR lives for US. there is a perspective change that needs to take place here. why do we involve ourselves in so much that we are exhausted by the time it comes to things that matter? and on the other side of the spectrum, when we finally seem to have time, why do we make excuses as to why we CAN'T do something we care about when we so obviously just WON'T? fight me on this, but at the end of the day what can we say we have done? what passions have we pursued? who have we helped apart from ourselves? and even then have we been true?

uninterested in what you are saying.

so i find myself more and more uninterested in the things people talk about. before you call me a self-absorbed jerk, hear me out. say we find ourselves in a room full of hmm just to make it easy lets say 10 people. it is you, me, and another 10. if we went around and both talked to everyone for 5-10 minutes each, what would we come away with? would we be better off? would you have learned anything from that other person? PROBABLY NOT. you would talk about school and the weather and jobs. that sort of thing. i'm not saying those things aren't important... okay actually i AM saying those things are not important because in the grand scheme of things, WHO CARES? AND WHO REMEMBERS THAT STUFF? come back a week later and you'll have all their schools and jobs messed up and intertwined. (if it was me i'd probably have their names pretty messed up too).. so you see.. i'm VERY uninterested in what people talk about these days.. i am EXTREMELY interested in what everyone is NOT saying!! get it?

i am DONE talking about nothing. aren't you tired of it? you do it to. i know you. stop asking the wrong questions. start asking the right ones. what are the right ones? well that i can't really give away. its top secret. but on the real - are we more concerned about someones job or somebody's current state in their life?? if you were honest with yourself... you would probably.. not admittedly, but probably be thinking "i don't even care about them in general. who are they to me?" truth is they are who you choose them to be. do you want them to be somebody? do you want to give their life meaning in relevance to yours? or do you want to keep them as a nobody? and potentially miss bringing and impact or receiving an impact on your own life? switchfoot put it best when they said to [stop chasing] "empty conversations filled with empty words".

emotionless suicide

people think of the word suicide and get scared, worried, paranoid maybe. granted, it is a scary thing. the physical death itself is scary, not unheard of, but certainly dare not be talked about. maybe i'll talk about that at another time but i wanted to write about something and ACCUSE YOU of something that you've probably dealt with in the past or maybe recently. why on earth would you commit emotionless suicide? okay maybe you don't know it by that term. emotionless - without emotion. suicide - killing ones self. emotionless suicide - killing ones emotion without even feeling it. lose you yet? stay with me. how often do we give up that vacation we want to make some more money? how often do we want something SO badly but put everything else before that? how often do we ignore the people that are closest to us because we are too busy concerned with ourselves? how often do you shed light on the fact that school.work.repeat is NOT supposed to be the story of your lives. and no, getting drunk every now and then doesn't put an end to the problem either, probably just makes it worse.

HOW ARE WE OKAY WITH THIS? how does a world continue to move despite the fact that it is missing direction? a car that is running on E, driving further and further from the gas station. that is who we are. we think it is going to be okay but unless we stop and do something about it, it is NOT. what are we supposed to do you ask? STOP LIVING BY JUST "GETTING BY". start living with the realization that your life is worth SO MUCH MORE than you know - stop being annoying, stop being mediocre, stop complaining, stop watching. start asking, start wondering, start acting and please stop destroying yourself with worthless motions and meaningless days.

she dies.

re: post: she cries.

Words were meant to be truthful, loving, helpful, resourceful, full of purpose. Recent times have shown the loss of such meaning we attach to words. What flows out now are also demands, hatred, cussing, and lies. There has formed a fine balance between how truthful SHE is. I honestly don't think she is completly truthful anymore. The thing with this is that she build one lie upon another. Her sweet lips no longer produce words that build lives but words that destroy them. From her lies come deceit and a brand new face that hides her own. She thinks she is doing a great job, holding her own. She is not. She figures if she keeps everybody isolated and is different with each person her lies will never find her. Because afterall, that IS why she does it. That IS what she's running from. She is spoiled with attention and wants even more. She seems beyond repair and hurting more than ever. Of course she says she's fine now but I am one little box that has been placed among many. I am block a. What abt blocks b, and see, and d-g? What do they know? What can I see that they don't? What can they see that I don't? Is it my fault? Do I keep myself in this box? I am afraid to step out because I think she will see me. But I think she will see herself and what life has become. She used to cry on the inside but I think that's all stopped. She's slowly dying now with nobody to save her. She's all alone but pretends not to be. She's incapacitated and cannot react. She's swarming with the noise of life and refuses to turn it all down and listen. Listen. All she hears are lies so that is all she tells. She is over, her life inconsistent and incomplete. She wants to live but no longer knows how. She is tied down by cuffs of which the shackles are lies. Break free, she thinks to herself - but what if its better here? What if...no, she knows it is not. But she does not know why. She can't feel what she used to feel. Numbed by the number of countless relationships, murder of the soul, destruction of the mind, the aged residue that resides with every word that turns into a lie uttered from the tip of her tongue. Its so natural now. She thinks, she lies. .she dies.

invisible lives

whats with the invisible life you are living? i think if we really look at the lives of others, maybe even into our own lives a little bit and think about the phrase invisible lives.. we can all relate in some way or another at some point or another. what i am saying is that at some point i am sure that you have felt you've been leading an invisible life - like nobody cares about what you do, you are flying under the radar, your life is not part of something important or any type of bigger picture. thats one scenario.

here is the real one. im telling you - if you THINK you're living an invisible life, or you don't know if you are, then trust me - YOU ARE. but its not that nobody cares. it's not that your life isnt part of a bigger picture. it's that you don't accept that yet. you think the universe is so much bigger than you. and sure, it is - but we were not created to be invisible. that would be pointless. i think we were created for something a little more than that. i think we were created to love, to impact, to change, to do something different, not to blend in but to stand out. to live really highly VISIBLE lives. i don't believe we are supposed to hide in someones shadows. i think we can cast our own shadows. i don't think we need to settle for less when there is a whole world out there. I'm sure we can just get by, but WHY?

potential was meant to be lived and fleshed out. kinetic. know the difference? here's a small refresher course. potential energy is stored up, not used.. but waiting to be. kinetic is energy in motion! stored energy that is now being used to MOVE. i think we need to shift gears and take the plunge from a potentially invisible life.... to a kinetically visible one. set goals, make 'em happen. thanks.

addicted to pain.

i think it is safe to say that we are all addicted to something. when you are addicted, you are hooked, you become dependent. im addicted to my blackberry. thats why they call it a crackberry. if you dont get the joke, then we will talk later. people are addicted to smoking, to alcohol but also to talking, and to money, and working, and lust, and cars, and buying and buying, and food, and technology, and so many other things. what are YOU addicted to? tell me. you are a slave. so am i.. we are slaves to ourselves, we have captured ourselves in some type of real-world phenomena where we are proclaimed free but still choose to live as slaves. an addict is a slave to the addiction. one thing that i have been noticing that we are addicted to in some way shape or form is pain. yea, thats what i thought - what an odd addiction. here is what we are missing - addictions are not always enjoyable.

what kind of pain are you addicted to? are you holding onto a grudge? are you waiting to heal a broken relationship? are you suffering from a broken heart? did you break a heart? are you crying over a promotion at work? did you fail a class? did you get a traffic ticket? did you do something in the last 24 hours you regretted? why do you LET these things take a hold of you? why do you LET these things destroy you, bring PAIN into your life? i understand everyone deals with things a little differently but the fact of the matter is this - you hurt because you want to, sometimes because you need to. BUT! you forget to take the other side of things. in EVERYTHING there is a lesson to be learned, and something to be thankful for.

why are we so addicted to being mad at ourselves, other people, or our circumstances? when life is on a downward spiral, enjoy the ride. when it is at a standstill, catch your breath. when it is going uphill, get ready for what is next. sorry for the roller coaster metaphor, it just fit.. plus i just went to 6 flags. and when life seems to be just going steady.. KNOW that there is something coming up. smile around each turn, throw your hands up because you really can't predict life.. no matter how hard you try. but one thing you can know?... you'll be ok.